When her voice said “NO”, but her eyes said "YES," Barbie may feel cute but if Ken actually follows the rules, then she wonders why he isn't more aggressive and assertive. She should tell the truth. |
Her voice said “NO”, but her eyes said "YES." Let’s imagine Barbie likes the idea of being courted and pursued, so she sets some “nice girl” boundaries. Let’s also assume Ken actually follows the rules she has set out. Now she is wondering why he isn’t more assertive and aggressive. “I said no, but I really meant yes” may seem cute, but it is also an incredibly popular (and unacceptable) date rape defense. If a Barbie does not want to go further than a certain point, she should be able to tell Ken and feel comfortable knowing he will respect her boundaries--that includes the “just-friends” boundary. On the other hand, if she is interested in moving to a more intimate level, she also needs to make that clear. Otherwise she is forcing her dates not to respect boundaries. Help dates by telling the truth about what those boundaries are. There is nothing that your partner should be expected to “just know." Your partner shouldn’t have to guess and assume, something you may think is fun, perhaps even romantic, until they misread one of your “signals” and cross a line. Too many lives have been ruined because someone got the signals wrong. You shouldn’t lie to anyone, but if you are going to lie to someone, don’t let that person be yourself. Guys and gals both lie to themselves. Why? So they don’t have to face the fact that they want to do things which are against the value system they pretend to adhere to.
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