Single Women Understand Men and Sex: Sex and lust: A man often feels in love when he is really only in lust. He then declares this lust-love too early in the relationship for the woman involved.  This quick declaration of love (lust) often  scares the woman. Sex and lucky: Getting sex is getting lucky. And many men don't care who they get lucky with.

More Sex Truths about Men
Lust and Lucky
Promoting Sexual Understanding Between Single Men and Women

By DH Owens

Sex and Men for Single Women: "Getting lucky" is considered a desirable state by men. It often doesn't even matter who they "get lucky" with. Many a male confuses lust and love. He then declares this lust-love too early in the relationship.  This love-lust declaration often scares the female involved. 

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A man often feels in love when he is really only in lust. He then declares this lust-love too early in the relationship for the woman involved.

What does this quick declaration of love (lust)  accomplish?

It scares the woman rather than enhancing the budding relationship. The woman fears any man who could fall in love that quickly will be just as quick to fall out of love.

One man told SOLO he always starts a date by deciding if he just wants a roll in the hay or if he is interested in a little longer relationship. This decision determines his actions.

Men can easily engage in sex without love or commitment. "Getting lucky" is considered a desirable state by men. It often doesn't even matter who they "get lucky" with.

Since men use sex as the road to make an emotional connection as well as totally divorcing sex from emotional connections, and women use emotional connections as the road to sex, some serious translating is needed when it comes to sex in our society.

Remember:

Both men and women should remember this: when you feel you are right and he/she is wrong, and you degrade the other person for his/her feelings about sex, you block almost any chance of forming an intimate relationship with the opposite sex.

Women can take comfort in the fact that men act in stereotype, masculine ways to feel more secure about their masculinity. They do not act in masculine ways merely to frustrate women.

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SOLO for Singles: Readers' Comments

While I feel that the comments on your website about male sexual attitudes are generally very accurate and perceptive, I feel that there are a few issues which were not properly addressed.

One paragraph quotes the widespread female assumption that men can easily obtain sex in this society and therefore should not have to pay for it. This is simply not true. For the average male, sex is very difficult to obtain.

Women are very selective in their choice of sexual partners (the criteria for this selection is, of course, another, detailed, and disturbing, subject), and, particularly in the realm of "casual" sex, it is almost
always the same "top 20%" or so of men, the top echelon, who "get lucky", as you delicately put it. At a very rough guess, based on personal observation,
I would estimate that about 10% - 20% of men have sexual access to about 80% to 90% of women. The "alpha males", as sociobiologists call them, have more girlfriends, more casual sex partners and more affairs with married women. A stark example of recycling.

The fact that most males get at least one girlfriend or even marry creates an illusion of balance which distorts the truth. In the Fifties, and before, almost everyone married, but most women compromised. Today, with financial independence, women refuse to compromise and, as a result, many working women cannot find a partner: there are not enough "suitable" males to go around. This is reflected in magazine articles in every major Western city,
New York and London being particularly noteworthy.

Women's selection criteria do leave much to be desired. One often observes very pleasant men denied sex and relationships, while the most disgusting psychopaths have a harem of girlfriends and/or wives. One might suggest that 100% of wife-beaters are married men. So much for the "best men being married or gay."

Another point of interest: it is sometimes suggested that men pursue sex to confirm their masculinity or to impress their male peers. This is not quite
accurate: men do strut and boast, but sex has such power and magic for them that they would pursue it regardless. The other attributes are mere by-products.

I hope that this is of assistance.
   William H.

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