Singles' procrastination has many reasons. Singles are hurt by procrastination. More about singles and self-esteem here.
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Procrastination hurts many aspects of our lives as singles. So why procrastinate? The following are the most common reasons people procrastinate as listed by David Burns, MD, in his book Feeling Good. HopelessnessYou are frozen in the present moment, forgetting that things were better at one time and not believing that they will be better in the future. You feel your lack of motivation is unending and irreversible. HelplessnessYou are convinced that your moods are caused by something beyond your control: fate, hormone cycles, disease, genetics, other people's evaluation of you, etc. Overwhelming Yourself There are three ways you can overwhelm yourself into doing nothing.
You jump to the conclusion that action will not make you feel better because you are in the habit of saying, "I can't" or "Yes, but...." Self-LabelingThe more you procrastinate, the more you label yourself as "a procrastinator' or a "lazy person." When you think this is the "real you," you automatically expect little or nothing from yourself. Undervaluing the RewardsYou feel that the effort to complete the task (almost any task) would not be worth the rewards. Your blue mood makes you feel that nothing counts or is worthwhile. This torpedoes any sense of fulfillment or reward. PerfectionismYou will settle for nothing short of the best or the most magnificent performance in anything you do. Thus, you defeat yourself with inappropriate goals and/or standards and settle for nothing. Fear of Failure You think that making an effort and not succeeding would be a great personal defeat so you refuse to try at all. You may also evaluate your performance strictly on the outcome of an event, rather than your personal effort during the process. All you can control is your personal input to the process, not the outcome. Once you concentrate on the process rather than the outcome, you can learn from mistakes and attempt to correct them in the future. This keeps your self-esteem off the emotional roller coaster of outcome. |
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Singles
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Fear of Success You feel that any success is based on chance and you can not keep up that success. When it comes out that you are really a "loser," the rejection and pain will be worse because you did succeed. You may also fear success because you anticipate that people will make even greater demands on you after your success. Since you are convinced you must and can't meet their expectations, success would put you in an impossible situation. Therefore, you try to maintain control by avoiding any commitment or involvement. Fear of Disapproval You imagine that if you try something new, any mistake or flub will be met with strong disapproval and criticism because the people you care about won't accept you if you are human and imperfect. The risk of rejection seems so dangerous that to protect yourself you adopt as low a profile as possible. If you don't make any effort, you can't goof up! Coercion and Resentment You feel under intense pressure to perform--generated from within and without. This happens when you motivate yourself with moralistic "shoulds" and "oughts." Then you feel obliged, tense, resentful and guilty. Each task becomes so unpleasant that you can't face it. As you procrastinate, you label yourself as "lazy" or "no-good." This further drains your energies. Low Frustration Tolerance You feel and act as if you were entitled to success, love, approval, health, happiness, etc. Instead of persisting patiently over a period of time, you go into a frenzied state of panic and/or rage when life presents you with obstacles. Your frustration results from your habit of comparing reality with an ideal in your head. When the two don't match, you condemn reality. It does not occur to you that it might be easier simply to change your expectations than to bend and twist reality. This frustration is frequently generated by "should" and "ought" statements. While walking, you might complain, "For all the miles I've walked, I ought to be much thinner by now." Indeed? Why should you? Are you entitled to loose a pound for each mile you walk? Why? Maybe the reality is that you will not loose a pound for each mile you walk, regardless of the ideal in your head. This internal talk just adds to your sense of futility and increases your urge to do nothing. Guilt and Self-Blame When you are frozen in the conviction that you have let others down, you naturally feel unmotivated to pursue your daily life. Back to procrastination More information about singles and self-esteem here.
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