Divorce and Singles: When
children are involved, bitter feelings should not carry over to custody arrangements.
That is hard to do but allow me to repeat... Children should never become instruments of their parents'
revenge. More
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Divorce is a time of high emotions. After all, we have to be very bitter to
consider divorcing a person we once loved enough to marry.
Yet, when children are involved, those bitter feelings should not carry over to
custody arrangements. Children should never become instruments of their parents' revenge.
Kyle D. Pruett, M.D., in his excellent book called Fatherneed: Why Father
Care Is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child (Yale Child Study Center)
makes it clear that fatherhood is not in competition with motherhood; children need both
parents, and for different reasons.
Pruett writes a brief divorce primer for parents:
- Boys face more adjustment problems postdivorce while they are growing up.
- Girls tend to fare better growing up but show problems in young adulthood.
- Most children eventually manage their problems, though quality of life is
affected for most.
- It is possible that marital conflict, both before and after divorce, more than
the divorce itself, is the true culprit rather than the divorce itself.
- Mothers who share custody are typically more satisfied with the custodial
arrangement than are those with sole custody and periodic contact with fathers.
- Sole-custody mothers with no contact with the father are the most unhappy, as
are their kids.
- Divorce is the most serious threat to a child's relationship with his father and
vice versa.
- Quality of time with either parent matters more than total time.
- Voluntary agreement by parents on custody is far superior to an court-ordered
arrangement.
- Ongoing, meaningful contact with their father protects children against many of
the negative consequences of any divorce.
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