Even when you get the non-committer to marry you, some singles say the confusion is just beginning. SOLO surfers share experiences with non-committers.

Even when you get the non-committer to marry you, some singles say the confusion is just beginning.

Winning a Non-Committer:
Now What?
By Jan Wilson
with contributions by the SOLO staff and SOLO readers.

You did it--you got a non-committer to the alter!

This is what some surfers have had to say who won the battle of the alter with the non-committer.

TS wrote:
Eight months ago I married a commitophobe.

After reading your articles on-line on the subject, I am beginning to see what has caused me such
confusion.

I am however interested in anything I can get on the subject, and want to talk to someone, as this has been devastating.

What causes it? Can it be helped?

Do you have a story about non-committers to share with SOLO surfers. Maybe you have some advice to share. If so, please send your advice or commitment story.

From Allen:
I just read your articles on singles who can not commit. They are true.

And women do this, too.

I wasted years chasing the neatest lady... but I never could get her to marry me.  Sometimes I thought it was me. Now I see it was her.

My advice to others: move on as soon as you suspect the relationship is going nowhere.

Carrie wrote:
I was one of those "lucky" women who got a non-committer to marry me.

Here is how I did  it:

I was very patient; I never pushed; I never really talked about marriage. I even asked my family to leave the subject alone when we were all together.

Finally, he asked me to marry him. We put the date off three times. The fourth time we finally made it through the wedding.

I thought I was the happiest woman in the world.

The affairs started immediately, although I was not aware of them for two years. Probably I suspected--but could not face the facts. Also, I really don't think he was unfaithful while we were dating. I guess he still felt "free" then.

We tried to work through this (most of the effort was on my part as he "could not stop" himself from seeing other women) for five years, then got divorced.

I am now married to a wonderful man in a committed relationship. Being married to a non-committer is not an experience I would wish on anyone. I got him to say those marriage vows but he was never committed, even then.