Singles and Commitment Phobia: Singles searching for a lasting relationship or marriage may be abused by the non-committer. 

Singles and the Commitment Phobic: Is It Abuse?

By Jan Wilson
with contributions by the SOLO for Singles staff and single readers.

Commitment Phobia and Singles:  Is it abuse?

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Singles have shared the following  experiences with SOLO.

While reading the articles on commitmentphobia I couldn't help but think of  some similarities with abusive relationships.  (In all fairness and honesty, I have to share that, my initial reason  for visiting the SOLO site was for  abuse info... so there exists the possibility that I could be framing things from this perspective right now.)  The commitmentphobe, in my opinion, would most likely be the abuser (attempting manipulation, control, one-upmanship, etc.), yet could very well be a victim (sensing potential "red flags"), or a former victim  (who is "once bitten, twice shy").  They would be coming out of entirely different bags, so to speak, as the abuser would say "you're the one with the problem", the "new"victim would make an excuse to avoid retaliation or attribute "blame" to him/herself, and the former victim would state that this was something they needed to do for themselves, which was also critical to a healthy realistic outcome for both partners... then it would all come out in the wash... for better or for worse.     (no pun intended... ...ha ha)
That's my 2¢, for what it's worth,
   E.

I agree with the previous writer about commitmentphobes having abusive tendencies. It's a method of distancing, shifting the blame, and creating havoc in a up-til-then good relationship.

My personal experience with a commitmentphobe involved a very heated pursuit from this woman; she was vulnerable, afraid, and told me over and over again how much she wanted a commitment from me. I gave her what she wanted. She began to encourage me to start making life plans for us, and talked constantly about how we would have a beautiful life together, and how much she wanted to have children with me.

But then, her whole personality changed, almost overnight. She became verbally abusive, cruel, ambivalent. Any time I tried to pull away, she became seductive, only to become abusive again after I responded. It was a living hell that I couldn't get out of, since I was so hooked on her promises of a life together and having my children. 

Singles and Commitment

I think there is a very strong tie between commitmentphobia and abusive behavior.
   W.

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